Mastering Assertiveness: How to Speak Your Mind With Confidence
Maggie Kuhn, one of the most radical social activists of our time famously said:
“speak your mind, even if your voice shakes”.
Recently I watched a program about Ms Kuhn’s life and her impact on American society.
I wondered why so many people don’t speak their minds as she did.
Then I thought about The Arab Spring. Let me explain the connection.
The Arab Spring
The Arab Spring started on 18 December 2010 as a revolutionary protest movement that gave rise to demonstrations in the Arab world. As a result of consistent citizen unrest, long-standing rulers in Libya, Egypt, Yemen and Tunisia were forced from power. Syria, Bahrain, Algeria, Morocco and Oman have also felt the effects.
All these protests raise awareness in the face of state attempts at repression.
Liberty and social media
A University of Washington study suggests that social media – particularly Twitter – played a central role in the revolutionary movements that toppled these dictatorships.
A clear theme was liberty versus state repression.
Social media tools created a crucial communication platform that empowered each individual to speak their mind. Although some tweeters are anonymous, the medium offers the opportunity to be heard. As the study said: “Social media became a critical part of the toolkit for greater freedom.”
Clearly everyone has something to say.
Personal experience
I was taught from a very young age to speak my mind. Of course I made mistakes, but as a whole I have equipped myself with the skills to balance my opinion while showing respect for other parties involved in the discussion. But, always, somehow, somewhere a view and opinion have to been formed and then the first word has to be spoken.
Once you state your opinion, your listener can react: change it, agree to it, agree to disagree or any other of many options. In other words, they can take action.
On the other hand, when you are quiet, people think you agree with them.
Agreeing is easy.
Disagreeing takes more guts.
By disagreeing you are exposing what you want and need and believe in.
Early in my business career, if people asked me a question, I’d try to answer it honestly.
That approach was rewarded.
I had managers who wanted me around because I actually told them what was happening.
I learned then that honesty and self expression offered opportunities for people to become who they really wanted to be.
In hindsight, it was a natural leap for me to become an Executive Coach.
I can speak my mind, share my thoughts and create a platform for others to want to do the same.
Your turn
What are your doing to try?
Why don’t you try?
Speak your mind, honestly and truthfully: say what you believe.
Being honest and truthful is part of being a good friend, a good associate, and a good leader.
Tips
1 Think before you speak – this helps you formulate your words, play the scene in your mind, highlight potential pitfalls and gives you a plan.
2 Don’t let aggressive people intimidate you – match their glare and speak your mind. Don’t let anyone force you into silence.
3 Remain calm, don’t shout and speak clearly – when you’re in complete control of your emotions, you can own your time and be heard.
4 Practice – tweet; speak to family, friends and colleagues. Start with small decisions and opinions and then build your confidence in a protected and trusted environment. Their feedback could help you leap ahead.
5 Don’t wait too long – you might regret not speaking out later. Say it now, as you might only have one shot at it.
6. Believe in yourself – if you believe your opinion is important, others will too. Stick to your guns and express yourself to allow others to get to know the real you.
Back to The Arab Spring
Individuals speaking their minds in the then ‘140 characters’ brought down entire governments.
Imagine what you could do in your own life!
Go on, I dare you: have your say. Today.
As published in leading business journal ASA October 2012.